Addiction: I take over you...

Hola fam! We hope you are having a good time even in your hectic online class schedule. Team “Yours Lovingly” is here with a new article, which we believe is a contemporary issue. Happy reading.

Disclaimer: This article is not to offend anyone’s feelings or opinions. All the characters are entirely fictional. We apologize beforehand for any trouble :).

We procrastinated a lot when a friend suggested us to write an article about addiction. We know quite a lot of the population is addicted/obsessed to/with something. We read a lot of articles related to drug addiction, alcohol addiction, smoking and many other things. But we read something about ‘porn’ on some website. With all the technical advancements we have and a new discovery everyday, everyone knows everything. Everything is just a click away. We have been using mobiles, laptops for long now and as we usually believe, darkness attracts people more than light does. Bad things attract more than good things does. Of course, good and bad is a perception again. Because our lives have been complicated since the invention of mobile phones. So, people are driven by their hormones and end up in a random porn site. The number of viewers watching porn has been substantially increased in number in the past few years. The reasons being easy availability of internet, more and more makers of porn and self-made videos! Most of us, the teenagers are curious about this 18+ content and start watching it at 15? This is wrong. Teens are easily distracted and they are misled by these so-called videos. They believe in what they see. And we all know what they see is not the truth. So, we came up with an imaginary interview between a psychiatrist and a reporter to stress upon the point ‘porn addiction’.

(setting: psychiatrist Dr. Saanvi Davis’s house)

Reporter --- Ms. Levinika

Levinika: Hello viewers. I am here today to interview the founder of ‘RARE’ rehabilitation center. Let’s get on with the interview now. (after a pause) Hello doctor. I am Levinika from ABCD channel. Glad to meet you.

Saanvi: Hi Levinika. I am Dr. Saanvi Davis, a psychiatrist. Glad to meet you too.

Levinika: Saanvi Davis?

Saanvi: Oh! (smile). I married a foreigner.

Levinika: (politely smiles back) That explains your name. Why did you choose to establish a rehab center in India?

Saanvi: Because I love this place and I am passionate about my work. I have seen many kinds of patients with different mental health related problems in my career. 30% of the cases were of those people who were addicted to something and lost control over their lives. I wanted to help those patients through a rehabilitation center.

Levinika: What kind of cases do they deal in the rehab center? Is it only particular for a certain segment of the population?

Saanvi: We deal all kinds of cases here. Be it a drug addict, alcoholic, tobacco addict, or a behavioral addict, we treat different type of addictions following different methods. Also, we treat those people who are suffering from serious illnesses and motivate them for a good recovery.

Levinika: What do you think about addiction doc?

Saanvi: That’s a tricky question. Addiction, to put it in simple words, it is the extreme obsession with something.

Levinika: Do you mean, obsession and addiction are the same?

Saanvi: No. Obsession is about repetitive thoughts about something which we can’t let go of. But you can find a way out of it. But when we talk about addiction, it is not healthy, for your body and for your mind too. It feels like you can’t stay away from that particular thing and if you do, it may lead to depression. It feels like you have no other world than that, say drinking. You will start to believe that there’s no other purpose for your life than drinking. You will ignore your friends, family. I have seen three typical cases of porn addiction when I was working in foreign countries which are different from the others. I saw them struggling and depressed.

Levinika: Depressed? Porn addicts? It’s really rare to see such cases. People doesn’t treat it as an addiction unless there are severe consequences. Would you mind sharing their stories with us?

Saanvi: Mm, I like your passion for your work. I would definitely share it with you. It would also help spreading awareness.

Levinika: Thanks doc. So, what about the cases that you talked about?

Saanvi: The key problem here is porn is available to anyone and everyone. Most of the cases were related to watching porn online. Many studies have been conducted on online pornography use. 25% of search engine requests are related to sex. 35% of downloads from the internet are pornographic. 40 million Americans say they regularly visit porn sites. 70% of men aged 18 to 24 visit a porn site at least once per month. The largest consumer group of online porn is men between the ages of 35 and 49. One-third of all internet porn users are women. Children are also exposed to these sites and no one can stop them from viewing because parents have become busy earning money. Pornography addiction frequently co-occurs with other mental health disorders. Some issues relating to social anxiety and loneliness can give rise to porn addiction, while others may stem from the addiction itself. Conditions that frequently co-occur with pornography addiction include depression, anxiety, social anxiety, mood disorders, sex addiction, memory problems etc.

A girl’s parents brought her to me to treat her lack of focus on studies. They tried every means possible to help her but it was in vain. She had anxiety related problems and was depressed all the time.

Levinika: Teenagers these days are easily depressed.

Saanvi: Yes, they have become fragile. They have unstable minds. I asked the girl’s parents to leave her to me. I asked her a few general questions and she answered naturally. Then I asked her what her favorite subject was. Her answer shocked me. She said that she didn’t know what subjects were taught at school. She was 16 when I handled this case. I asked her if she has any friends at school. She kept quiet and didn’t answer me for a while. But after sometime, she started speaking. ‘I am the typical shy type girl who cannot make many friends. I was terribly insulted in the class when I couldn’t answer a question. This made me feel disappointed with myself and I isolated myself from others more than before. I was 14 then. I had a mobile phone which was meant to help me in studying. But I started watching movies and web series which are of no use to me. I wasted my time on social media whole day. One day, I came across a link in a website where I download movies. I opened it to see what’s in there. It was a porn site. I got scared when people in the video were…’ she stopped and continued ‘Then I watched the next one and the next one. And I ended up watching it for 4 hours. I felt it was wrong. But then I watched it again the next day, the following days. I couldn’t stop myself from watching it. After a long time, I started comparing my body to others. I felt even more depressed. And went incognito mode again. This happened for two years. I started failing in subjects. I never was focused in the class. I became rude and always having dirty thoughts in my mind. One day my mom caught me watching those videos and they asked me about what was happening. They confiscated my mobile phone and grounded me for months for not studying well at school. With no social interaction, I became weak. I ate lesser and lesser, and couldn’t sleep well because of poor mental stability. Every time I watch it, I felt guilty as if I was doing something wrong…’ she stopped there and didn’t talk again. I counseled her and I assume she’s doing well now.

Levinika: What do you think doc? Is watching porn good or bad? What’s your view? There are people who say it’s good and teaches us ‘sex education!’?

Saanvi: We cannot really say if it’s good or bad. We can’t blame the makers for making our children get addicted and do wrong things. The makers make the video to earn money and get a few bucks or I should say a lot of bucks. And the viewers watch it for pleasure!? I don’t know. Speaking of ‘sex education’, India do lack it. But learning that from porn is a bad idea. Porn is abusive. You can never really learn the purpose of sex from porn. It’s just an excuse from those who are addicted. I have heard a boy saying that to me.

Levinika: A boy?

Saanvi: Yes, the second case. This time, the parents dragged him into my room and locked it from outside. I freaked out for a second and calmed myself down seeing that the boy was unwilling to take the counselling. I asked him the same general questions that I asked the girl. His tone was rather arrogant for his age. He was just fifteen. ‘So, what’s the problem?’ I asked him. ‘I have no problem. The problem is theirs. They think that I am in trouble.’

‘May I ask why do they think that you are in trouble?’

‘They think watching porn is wrong. That’s why they think I am in trouble.’

‘Don’t you think it’s wrong. Especially at your age?’

‘You are doctor, right?’

‘Then you would have studied biology?’

‘Yes. I did.’

‘Then it’s natural right? People having sex?’ I was astonished by his question.

‘Mm…Hmm…’

‘So, what’s wrong with watching porn?’

‘Well, you have got a terrible logic there.’

‘Why do you think so?’

‘Let me ask you a few questions. What do you do in your free time?’

‘Watch porn’

‘Before you started watching it’

‘Football’

‘Are you good at playing football?’

‘I am a pro.’ He smiled arrogantly.

‘Well, can you play a match now and win it?’ He remained silent to this question.

‘Okay. Let me ask you another question. What are your grades before and after?’

‘They were average for a while and I failed two subjects recently.’

‘Your parents think that your grades have something to do with you watching porn. Is that true? What do you think?’

‘They just couldn’t find a better excuse.’

‘Okay. Do you have a girl friend?’

‘No. No one could meet my standards.’

‘What do you mean by standards? Do you think girls in real life are the same as those of in porn?’

‘Aren’t they? They just feel the same as men do. But they don’t express right?’

‘And how exactly do you know that? Can you read their minds?’ he remained silent again.

‘When did you start watching it?’

‘When I was 14, my friends were watching too.’ Jeez, what kind of friends do this kid have?

‘Mm… Let me put it like, peer pressure?’

‘At first, yes. But now I don’t really regret it.’

‘You got addicted to porn at such a young age and your parents are worried about you. Do you ever know that your father is just a clerk in a bank? Look at your clothes. All branded. And look at your father’s clothes. All worn out. I can say that he is working hard for you! (after a brief pause) Okay. Let’s skip this. You were average in your studies. But they never brought you here because you studied less right?’

‘Yes.’ He said hesitantly.

‘Your parents work hard for you. They never blamed you for not studying well because they knew that football is your passion. And they let you play. They have always looked out for you. And then you started watching porn? Then you ignored your studies and your passion’ dead silence followed my statements.

‘Coming back to your question. People having sex is normal. We have billions of human beings on earth. At least, tens of thousands of them must be doing it in every given day. Even animals have sex. But it has only one purpose according to biology. For reproduction. Whereas people video recording their sexual activities is abnormal. And watching it at a young age is even more abnormal. I hate to say that you do think logically. I think you are the captain of the team?’

‘Yes’

‘I assume you make great strategies with your logical thinking. Why waste it on trivial arguments?’ he wanted to say something but stopped.

‘Look, your parents were concerned about you. Only you. Not your studies. Not football. They wanted you to have a good childhood. You are just fifteen. Have you ever realized it? You still have a long way to go’ I said. It took me two hours on this particular case. Later, I talked to his parents and now he must be studying well and often invites me to his football matches.

Levinika: That was unexpected.

Saanvi: Yes. People who are addicted often thinks that they are right. That case was easy because he was a kid. But there was this couple who came to me. That was a hard nut to crack. The couple got a divorce.

Levinika: A divorced couple? As in, they were on the verge of divorce before they came to you?

Saanvi: Yes. They have a son.

Levinika: Despite having a son, they asked for a divorce. What caused it?

Saanvi: Addiction again. I interviewed the husband and the wife separately. Surprisingly, the husband didn’t talk much. He had dark circles as if he had not slept for days. I had goosebumps when I talked to the wife. After collecting her details, I asked her ‘Why do you want to get a divorce?’

‘If you marry a man like him, you would definitely want to.’

‘What about him?’

‘You are a psychiatrist. You must have seen different types of patients. Also, different types of addicts. Right?’

‘Yeah. Definitely. That’s my job. Is he addicted to something, like alcohol? That’s the reason you want a divorce?’

‘No. He’s not addicted to alcohol. Even if he is, I can take him to a rehab. Why would I want a divorce for such reason?’ Looks like, the matter is not as simple as I thought.

‘Then what was your reason miss?’

‘We were just like any ordinary couple. We fell in love after our parents fixed our marriage. We got married in less than a month after we knew each other. But I didn’t realize what kind of a person he is until our wedding night…’ she paused.

‘What about that?’

‘He…, he asked me to wear a weird dress. Like that of a cat girl. It was too revealing but I agreed with him since we were the only people there in the room. I wore it and he looked at me disgusted? I think that’s how to describe it. He left me alone in that room and went back to his friends. Guess what he was doing that night? He was watching porn with his friends in our to-be-home. He was never satisfied with me. He despised the scar on my waist. He said I was ugly. He had never talked to me in a nice way. One day he got drunk and went home. On that day, he was a beast and he wanted me to do all kinds of things that they show in porn. I was hurt. He hurt my body. He hurt my soul. He raped me. But we are married. That’s the only obstacle that was stopping me to file a case on him. I talked to my parents and in-laws. They were the least concerned anyway. I was pregnant and he despised me even more because I can’t be his tool for sex for a long while. He wanted to secretly abort the child. I discovered it somehow and moved out for a while. I had this baby. I refused to have sex with him later one day. He tortured me the whole day with his cuss words and cursed me behind my back. He ruined my reputation. So, making the long story short, I filed the divorce.’

I was impressed by her strong character and personality. Rare to find these days! ‘I will help you get the divorce. And I will help you get the custody of your child.’ I promised her and I kept my promise.

Levinika: I can’t believe that there are such cases in our society.

Saanvi: Yes, there are. In 2013, Cosmopolitan magazine surveyed 68 top sex therapists in the United Kingdom. Of them, 86% felt that porn hurt their relationships and 90% had seen an increase in relationship troubles due to porn use. Most sex therapists also said that porn increases men’s expectations of sex with their partner, while porn has a negative effect on women’s sexual confidence. Other surveys back these numbers up. A study from 2012 found that men’s porn use can lower the self-esteem of their wives and girlfriends. Infrequent porn use does not negatively affect marriages or other romantic relationships. However, the more frequently men view porn, the more insecure and unhappy their female partners tend to become. About 56% of divorce proceedings cite an “obsessive interest” in pornographic websites. There’s even worse content online like child porn which is really sad in today’s society. This is why I recommend not to get addicted to porn. Not watching it at all is even better.

Levinika: Yes viewers. Do follow Dr. Saanvi Davis’ instructions. To watch this interview online, go to our YouTube channel ABCD news. If you want to contact the rehabilitation center, we provided the details in the scrolling on your screen. This is Levinika signing off. Meet you in the next video.

 

 Editor: - Annem Ananya Sri

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